Gary said: “Sam, Is it your opinion that the whole idea of confrontation with relatives needs to be avoided to maintain rapport?”
Yes, that is pretty much true. Talking honestly about WT stuff is impossible, so I don’t do it anymore. Awhile back my dad sent me a long letter. His letters had been upsetting to me for some time, so my wife opened his latest letter, skimmed it and recommended that I not read it. She was concerned about my health if I read it, so to this day, many months later, I have not read it. My dad has not asked about it, though we usually talk once a week on the phone (I take care of all of his business since he is in poor health now and would forget to pay his bills where he on his own). So, his dependence on me forces us to communicate; and that goes well if we avoid talking about the “truth.”
“Is rapport more important than trying to inform them that they are deluded? I had a bad connection with them . . . now there is none at all.”
Most die-hard JWs will not “hear” that they are deluded. Though I have tried, it does not work. Most JWs who become ex-JWs will probably try; most will fail. The JW mind is programmed to require close friends and relatives to be “obedient” to their masters in Patterson/Brooklyn. Strong willed JWs can not separate Paterson/Brooklyn from God. My connection has a lot of static in it especially when my dad tries to introduce “world conditions” into the conversation. When I sense that he is about to start down that road I try to interject a new subject. He is no longer mentally agile, so the strategy often works.
“I did not know how happy my parents were to stay ignorant. Nor did I know how insecure they were in their beliefs. Plus, I had grossly underestimated the force of their reaction. I now know they did not mean it when they told me to bring my questions to them. That was just Watch Tower Corporation doctrine.”
You are absolutely correct. You are only allowed to bring easy questions to them, ones that the WT has discussed and given them loads of information on. Of course, we all know (now) that the WT has avoided any valid explanation in many areas such as their blood doctrine. I showed my dad the “Consumers Report” chart that show the relative risks of transfusion vs. other risks such as being struck by lightning, fatal plane crash, etc. In my ignorance I assumed that he would at least consider this report as coming from an unbiased source. He would not consider it (or at least he refused to talk with me about it). He still is convinced that anyone receiving a transfusion is sure to get HIV. I think that he finds it too painful to consider, even privately, that he may have been mislead all of his adult life. Pain and pride keep lots of JWs from admitting their (and the WT's) error.
